Mothers are the hands that rock the cradle, and we know what happens to such hands – they rule the world. Nigerian mothers can be very strict with their children and sometimes also, unusually sarcastic.
If you’ve ever doubted the nationality of your mother, the following scenarios will confirm that she is a typical Nigerian mother.
1. When you say, “Mummy, I’m sorry!” And she replies, “Sorry for yourself!”
2. When you ask her where you should drop something and she says, “Drop it on my head.”
3. When she brings food home from a party wrapped in a nylon bag.
4. When you say, ”Mummy, I have a fever.” And she responds, “Why won’t you have a fever when you have been pressing phone all day.”
5. When you say, “Mummy I took 2nd in my class” and she goes, “So the person that took first has two heads, abi?”
6. When she takes the DSTV remote to work, just to punish you.
7. When you are watching television with her and she sleeps off but still doesn’t want you to change the channel.
8. When you tell her you are going to a friend’s place to play and she asks, ”When last did that friend come here to play with you?”
9. When she asks you if the food she served you is enough, and you reply no, and she says, come and eat my own with yours.
10. When she tells you, “if I hear Peem, you will hear Ween.”
11. When she touches hot pot comfortably without a cloth or paper.
12. When she tells you, “I didn’t kill my mother, so you will not kill me.”
13. When she calls you from your room upstairs and then sends you back upstairs to bring her purse.
14. When you ask her to refund the money she borrowed from you and she tells you, “All the food you have been eating in this house nko? Which money did you think was used to buy them?”
15. When she follows you to your neighbour’s house and orders you to slap your neighbour’s son who hit you previously.
16. When she calls you to come and give her the cup that is just beside her.
17. You know your mother is a Nigerian when you offend your mum and people plead on your behalf and she will be like “ahhh! I promise not to beat her again”. Trust me, a typical Nigerian mother will lock you inside the door and say “I’ll beat the hell out of you today.”
18. She so much believes in traditional medicine and self-medication no matter how educated she is.
19. A typical Nigerian mother values her wrapper more than any other thing. In fact, it is her most important possession.
20. Nigerian mothers are experts in backing their children.
21. Another way to still know if your mother is a Nigerian is when visitors want to give you money she will say ‘collect it, collect it, I didn’t tell her not to collect it oh’ Then after the visitor leaves, she’ll say “so you collected that money from that man. Oya give it to me”. Sometimes, she ends up flogging the child after collecting the money from him for ‘disobeying’ her.
22. Virtually every Nigerian mother’s tool of correction is her eyes. Don’t dare her when she looks at you in a weird manner, especially in the presence of visitors. Most times, her eyes tell you to behave well, sit quietly, keep calm, bring kola for the entertainment of family visitors, not eat along with them, not to beg, or even remain in the living room because of the visitors. You are doomed if you fail to understand. Then if you do and choose to neglect her eyes, just be prepared for something disastrous after the visitors must have left. Ah! Nigerian mothers are super!
23. When you try to pass something to her with your left hand, she will scold you harshly, reminding you that doing that shows you’ve not been assimilating everything she has been teaching you from childhood.
24. Lastly, Nigerian mothers are very strong. They can ‘deal’ with their children with any closest object whenever it’s flogging time. Yes, they can use a cane, slippers, shoe, garri turning stick, hanger, belt, wire, hand, mopstick, and even plates to flog their children.
Just pray the flogging doesn’t take place in the kitchen else she might angrily end up pouring hot water on your body or rubbing pepper on your genitals.
Nigerian mothers are wonderful and we love them irrespective of their sarcastic nature.