Whether you are a true Nairobian or someone who, chances are you have experienced some or all of these 5 Must Have Experiences for a true Nairobian. These are things that every Nairobian can identify with.
And for those who have never lived in Nairobi and are planning to relocate to Nairobi or pay a visit, these five ways Nairobians live are essential to get used to. This is of course information to help new visitors to Nairobi not to be left on their toes. Read on to learn what to consider when exploring Nairobi.
Below are a range of experiences that many people in Nairobi and surrounding areas such as Kinoo, Kitengela, Mlolongo and Kiambu can relate to.
5 things a true Nairobian must experience
1. Pay a guard to watch your vehicle while you shop for groceries
You can call it vehicle vandalism, but if you leave your car unattended in Nairobi, be prepared to take it to the mechanic for repairs. And by unguarded, I mean I don’t pay a guard to keep an eye on your car. Do you think it’s unreal? I would like to remind you that cars are parked at the risk of the owner. So if you refuse to make at least 200 Bob payments to a security guard, you can save yourself buying new mirrors and lights.
2. Being robbed or mugged in broad daylight
Nairobi is a city where you might get robbed in broad daylight. Oh yes, both petty theft and outright robbery happen 24/7 in Nairobi. I vividly remember one time on a hot afternoon along Kenyatta Avenue when a man decided to use his phone to help a seemingly innocent looking woman reach her husband to pick her up as she claimed to be from Meru and did not know where the husband lives. When she got the phone, to the astonishment of the kind stranger, she walked on her heels. Expect this to be one of the 5 things a true Nairobian must experience.
3. Fear of human feces
I’ve imagined myself driving to a very important meeting dressed to the nines, looking smart, smelling nice and suddenly someone comes out of the blues with feces in a black paper bag and says “leta pesa ama nikupake mavi”. This is another one of the 5 ugly things a true Nairobian must have experienced.
You might enjoy it at first, until you realize it’s too late to open the windows. This will end up confusing you, right? To avoid this, I advise you to always keep an eye out for Davy, a famous droppings thrower when you’re around CBD.
4. Visit to Cathouses
This might not sound that cool, but if you’re not older than 21, you’ve probably explored one or more of the brothels around town. Oh yes, you must have visited various brothels where you make choices from a long line of girls in heavy makeup and skimpy dresses. It doesn’t matter if you’re downtown or downtown, after all, it’s the same way of negotiating a price and paying for a room. The brothel business is one of the businesses that is still booming in Nairobi despite the tough economic times. They operate like small businesses even in broad daylight.
5. Terrible traffic jam
One of the 5 things a true Nairobian must have is experiencing is the famous Nairobian traffic jam, which is uncomfortable, excruciating and nerve-wracking to say the least. In fact, I can use all the bad words here over and over just to describe what the traffic in Nairobi is like. Many have been looking for a way to eliminate Nairobi’s congestion altogether, but it seems almost impossible. It’s annoying that Nairobi traffic jams start as early as 6am to 11pm in some areas, and true Nairobians can relate to that too.
6. Matutu Madness
In everyday life there are so many challenges every day. But for Nairobians, on top of life challenges, the madness of Matutu drivers is a small but unavoidable deal to deal with – unless you’re a Johnny who’s come to Nairobi lately.
In Kenya, matatus drivers are notorious for being extremely dangerous and for cramming an incredible number of people into their rickety vans. In fact, most drivers force passengers to sit on their laps, crouch on the van floor, or hang up the doors in poorly maintained vans.
Since Matutus is available in different sizes, each van accommodates drivers of different sizes and abilities. But virtually every delivery truck comes with it, vendors, conductors, street vendors, and hanger-out-the-window advertisers, most of whom make transportation unbearable and uncomfortable.
Virtually every Nairobian and people they live in Kinoo, Kitengela, Mlolongo and Kiambu have witnessed mad Matutu riders splashing water on passers-by, violently shoving people, especially shoppers in the open markets, and in the streets with a terrifying drive speed. While most Nairobians see the madness and hype as “normal”, others admitted the Matutu madness gives them the hump.
Feel free to add to this list by sharing with us some of the things that you think the people of Nairobi can relate to.